Say No With Love Letters

At Breathing Space Creative we’re here to change the story society tells about artists. It starts with each creative believing their life and work matter, and grows into a world that finally sees the arts as essential. To do this, it starts with the self work.

Every month I’ll pick a common societal belief about writers/artists that are largely untrue today, and share a personal story about how I’ve personally and professionally said no with love to that and how we can all slowly start to reimagine artists role in this world. It’s more urgent now than ever.

This month let’s say no with love to this:

“You’ll finally have time for your projects once life calms down.”

Reader,

Cooking, much like writing, has been a pivotal part of my life since I was seven. When my mom was out and my brother and I were left to fend for ourselves, I’d often create meals based on what we had in the house ... which, most of the time, was very little.

But I remember that my desire to make something from nothing started in those moments. Questions would form: What if I combined this with that? What if I…

From a very young age, I wanted to create, to build, design, to offer a very specific delight on the other end. And when I close my eyes, the responses that landed with me most weren’t the external validations like“Wow, this is really good!” ... though those were there too. It was the curiosity-based questions, like, “How in the world did you make this from just those four ingredients?”

How? Well, back then ... survival. But now? Because I wanted more from what was in front of me. That was where my desire to give myself… more, started.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I had been introduced to constraint very early.

Constraint is basically any limit, boundary, or restriction that shapes how something can happen. It can be external such as time, money, rules, physical space, or internal, like skills, energy, habits, beliefs.

Cooking under constraint challenged me. It made me ask, “In order to create X, what else must be true about Y?” It made me strategic, resourceful, curious, and okay with messing up and making mistakes. As creatives, we know how hard that “mess-making” can be. But mess-making also taught me how to make good use of what I had, while simultaneously wanting more for myself.

Think about how you use constraints in your wider life, especially when conditions feel perfect. Waiting for the perfect time rarely works ... if you want different, do different. One thing I love working with writers on is learning how to work under the load: aka life happening, and how it can teach us to bend without breaking.

It’s uncomfortable to bend when we aren’t used to it. In fact, the world wants to keep us inflexible. I picture myself over the years trying to stretch my unforgiving hamstring, hands nowhere near my feet. Six months of steady practice later, I can touch the floor. That’s massive.

There’s a difference between the discomfort of a misaligned opportunity (I've had many of those, y'all! I can spot the patterns) and the necessary discomfort that comes with and from growth. One is part of the design; the other isn’t.

If you want a few examples of how to add constraint to your creative practice:

• Using a specific form in poetry or a contest with a set of rules (I sign up for the CV2 poem contest to play with constraint every year because it’s fun, low stakes).
• Moving within your values when making decisions ... operations for your life, y’all.
• Budgets (lol), which I now have a big process around and call “money love.” my partner and I recently made some micro cuts to how we tackle groceries and it's made a difference (small things add up, right?)
• Novel outlines (I used to resist them, they felt like skinny jeans, haha but sometimes they help me reign myself in).
• Meeting Boundaries (good luck booking me on a Wednesday).

What do you know about yourself and what you need? How could creating more constraints both help you and challenge you?

I’m building something that will not only ask me to use constraint but help me finally bring together all of the “ingredients” I’ve been studying for the last thirteen years. I can’t imagine taking thirteen years to put together a meal, but some things are worth the wait. Over the next few months, I'll be sharing bits and pieces, sample-sized bites : )

When I think of my most valuable, delicious, “me” meal, and how I’d want to serve it, I picture myself pulling out a chair at my table, a spot in my home that took a lifetime to build. I don’t often have people over, and it’s not because I’m introverted or anti-social; my home is sacred, and I’m careful who enters. My creative ecosystem is no different. Before I welcome someone in, I need to build it.

​The work I do, when I really zoom the lens out, is to help creatives value and build that home for themselves, so no matter what life throws at them, they have a place to land. A place to cook and serve a meal that keeps people asking, “How did you make this?!” It’s so you.

Our creative projects are a very special room in that home. What it shares a wall with? That’s entirely up to you.

I leave you with the words from one of my guides:

"This is no longer my house, it is my home. And because it is my home, I have not only found myself healed of the pain of a broken love affair, but discovered that when something I have written does not turn out as I had hoped, I am not hurt so badly. I find that my physical ailments, which are a part of growing older, do not depress me so deeply. I find that I am quicker to laugh and much quicker to forgive. I am much happier at receiving small gifts and more delighted to be a donor of large gifts. And all of that because I am settled in my home."

—Even the Stars Look Lonesome by Maya Angelou

Reflect + Rewrite

This Week's Reflection Question: Consider what do you know about yourself and what you need: How could creating more constraints both help you and challenge you?

After answering the reflection question, revisit what you wrote.
Is there a single line—just one—that surprised you?
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Maybe it stirred something. Maybe it made you pause.
Copy that line out. Sit with it.
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As always, if you feel called, I’d love to see it. Hit reply and share it with me.

Have a creative "myth" that you'd like me to explore in one of these monthly letters? Please share it and I just might add it to my queue ; )

See you next month! If this letter moved you in some way, please forward it to a friend.

with love, Chelene

Founder, Breathing Space Creative

Want to explore more of my work? I offer bespoke writing mentorships, creative support calls, and free creative resources through my ​studio​. But for now, just take what you need. I’ll be here.

What's happenin' in the studio:

Every month, I’ll share a little peek into what’s happening inside the wider Breathing Space Creative studio. We shift things seasonally, so if something sparks your interest, take a look while it’s still in this season’s mix.

Establish Your Creative Net Worth

This is going to be an interactive session where we look at all the micro processes, inventory, experiences etc that make up a creative asset list. We will look at liabilities too, and I have some super fab exercises in mind. I have a feeling this is going to be one of the most innovative sessions I've offered to date. I feel it in my bones! I'm still building it and I want to take my time so please, if interested, put your name on the list so I know who to get in touch with when it's ready.

The Creative Net Worth Session WAITLIST

Recommended Creative Investment | For the bookshelves: Dear Current Occupant​
​Lately, my second book, Dear Current Occupant (from 8 years ago mind you), has been popping up in my world in the most delightful ways! People are emailing me after re-reading it, or telling me someone recently shared it with them. Since the book is all about this deep desire for home, and what I’m building is also rooted in that same idea of home, it feels like synchronicity is nudging me to share it again.

Learn more about Dear Current Occupant