Reader,
What is saying no leaves you standing there, by yourself?
When I talk about saying no with love, I’m really talking about honouring your aligned boundaries. It’s about recognizing that for the most part your “no” will be rooted in something deeply personal—a value, a belief, or a piece of self-knowledge uncovered through the ongoing work of reflection and self-discovery.
This foundation transforms a no from a rejection into a deliberate, compassionate choice.
That said, even with this grounding, saying no can still be incredibly difficult. I want to share something with you: when you say no (even with love), you may feel invisible. You may see people pull back, and while that’s tough, it’s often a sign that the person or community wasn’t aligned with your growth—or perhaps they haven’t yet done the work to honour boundaries themselves.
I don’t want to hide the fact that yes, I have lost a few misaligned relationships because of my no. But you can’t expect big growth without taking risks.
When someone steps away, it’s so hard not to take this personally, but I encourage you to remember this: when you say no to the wrong opportunities, people, or timing, you’re making space for the ones who truly value you. And that changes everything.
Saying no isn’t always about “I don’t want to.” Sometimes it’s practical, even logistical. Two years ago, while promoting my novel, I faced a choice. I was invited to an event I genuinely wanted to attend, but it required taking a red-eye flight, leaving another beautifully curated event early, and then performing on zero sleep. The old me would have pushed through, but the version of me that values my work—and myself—chose differently. I said no. Kindly, honestly, and with as much clarity as I could. But still, it was hard. The receiving party didn’t understand. They took it personally.
Looking back, though, that no allowed me to show up fully rested for other events that month, to share my book with joy and energy (I don’t want people to experience a shell version of me, not anymore). The guilt faded quickly when I saw how much more present I could be for what mattered most.
In the writing and publishing world, many people are in your corner. They want to see you succeed (on your terms), but not everyone will be ready for your no. It can make you feel invisible when people step back—but the deeper your self-work goes, the clearer and more confident you become. Saying no becomes an act of love for yourself and for the right opportunities waiting for your yes.
This is the work I do with writers. This is the work I’ve stood behind for years, even before I knew how to name it; how to lay a language down beside it. This is the work I wanted to do even when I said yes to the wrong positions!
But I don't think it's ever too late to start fresh. I have that language now, and it’s clear to me: my no’s have led me to every big, beautiful yes. And yours will too.
Reflective question: How do you want to start your 2025?
As always, reply and let me know your thoughts. Happy to help or hold whatever you feel open to sending my way.
With love,
Chelene
As always, if you know of a friend who could benefit from reading this weekly share, please forward share. I want these personal shares within the Say No With Love Newsletter to reach the right people : )
