Reader,
I truly believe that the desire to help—or perhaps to feel useful—is innate. It’s wired into us.
We can’t help it!
But here’s my boldest and most transformative takeaway to date: sometimes, I have to say no to this desire to help. And let me tell you, that’s not an easy thing to do. Saying no to someone who needs help, especially in a field I care deeply about, requires a very specific “no” muscle, one I’ve worked hard to strengthen this year.
Here’s why this matters.
When you get super clear about who you are, what you offer, what your message is, and what you truly want to create in this world, magic happens (hmm, how does this message also connect to our books, eh?) Opportunities become more aligned. Your connections deepen. Your work feels purposeful and energized.
But this clarity didn’t come overnight.
I’ve been working with writers for more than 12 years, wearing nearly every hat imaginable: university instructor, literary festival director, literary agent, and more. Each role gave me a unique perspective on the writing life. I’ve had the privilege of supporting writers at every stage of their careers—from those just starting out to seasoned, award-winning authors. Click here if you missed last week’s message about what I do at Breathing Space Creative.
This journey has given me a rare, intimate vantage point: a deep understanding of what writers need, what they think they need, and how I can best serve them.
And this is where clarity became my guide.
Toni Morrison once said,
"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."
These words have been a touchstone for me. I had to slowly let go of that seemingly uncontrollable desire to help everyone. In fact, helping everyone is not even possible! Clarity taught me that while I love helping writers, I’m not the right fit for everyone—and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I want to work with writers who are open, curious, and ready to dive into the foundational, introspective work required to build an aligned and sustainable creative life. And you don’t have to know “how” to do that, that’s the work we will do together.
But you have to be open to it.
Saying no, however, is never easy.
When someone reaches out for help, it’s tempting to jump in, especially when you see potential (raise your hand if you see yourself here). But I’ve learned that misaligned partnerships often lead to unmet expectations. Instead of focusing on the work itself, you find yourself spending time and energy convincing each other of your value. This dynamic drains the joy and possibility out of the process.
This doesn’t mean it’s “my way or the highway.” It’s about knowing my strengths and the lens I bring to the table—and recognizing when someone’s needs fall outside that.
One thing I’ve observed in today’s world, especially among creatives, is how burnout seems almost inevitable. But here’s the truth: we have more control over this than we often realize. Saying no when it’s needed plays a big role in reducing burnout.
Clarity brought me to this understanding.
Clarity creates confidence and self-trust—two things we creatives, especially writers, struggle with the most. When you know who you are, what you stand for, and who you’re here to help, every “yes” feels empowering, and every “no” feels necessary.
As Morrison’s quote reminds us, letting go—whether it’s of expectations, misaligned opportunities, or even our own fears—gives us the freedom to do what makes the most sense for us.
It’s not about doing everything or helping everyone. It’s about showing up for the work, and for the people, where your strengths and energy truly align.
As always, I encourage you to reply to this email with your thoughts. Or simply use the reflective question below.
Reflective Question: What am I holding onto that no longer aligns with who I am and how I want to show up in the world?
with love,
Chelene
As always, if you know of a friend who could benefit from reading this weekly share, please forward share. I want these personal shares within the Say No With Love Newsletter to reach the right people : )
